I Don’t Want to Be Inspirational Today.

Don’t get me wrong. I’m not sad, or in a bad mood.

It’s just that the last couple weeks have come with a lot of changes, which means my daily life looks incredibly different than it did a while ago. My nurses are gone, my wound care is gone, I’ve been to my doctor, I’ve started therapy (for my head), been practicing with my new foot, preparing for a high-impact trip.

Whew. That’s a lot.

And, so, as a result, I’ve ignored the blog for the past few days. Not on purpose, but I do have a lot going on. I’m trying to rejigger my schedule and make sure that I can accommodate all of the newness.

Also, as the calendar turns to Fall, it’s weird to know that I’ve gone through another season of all of this. I wouldn’t necessarily say that I’ve felt like at some point this was all going to be over, but there is a certain element of that to it.

But it’s never going to be over. And I know that now.

I will never not have to think about only having one foot. Even when I’m wearing the second one. It’s just inevitable. And it’s not depressing, or sad, or anything like that. It’s just…permanent.

And that takes some getting used to.

My life has a whole new process. I used to be able to get up and jump in the shower, and be out of the house in about fifteen minutes. That’s no longer possible. I have to pad a lot of time into doing all of it.

There is also an element of, “do I really feel like doing this today” that needs to be conquered. That one is tough. But I end up doing the thing anyway, and being glad I did.

I’m still a long way off from what might eventually be considered “normal.” I can’t yet go far without the walker. The cane is a little uncomfortable. I haven’t been able to walk without any assistance. I know it’s all fresh, and I wouldn’t say I’m frustrated, but the whole thing really takes time.

And time doesn’t stop for anyone.

Soon, it’ll be the holidays, which will come with its own fraught emotional element. Then we’ll be creeping up on a year since all of this happened.

Time passing.

And, so, I will be back here more often over the next week. I just wasn’t feeling it for a little while, and I hope you’ll forgive me.

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As always, if you have it in you, please give a thought to donating time or money to Hospice Austin. They do amazing work for people who are going through the hardest thing a person can face.

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